Hey! That's my stuff they're talking about.

This was a pretty neat experience.

Last night I was in the kitchen whipping up yet another fabulous dining experience for my sweetie and me, when I heard the lead-in to a news story on NPR that made me cock my head inquisitively (you know – the way George Clooney does in just about every movie he’s ever been in).

The story was about education and in particular educational software. Within the first ten words of the story I heard the name of a school I was writing about this week for one of my clients. A few words later, I heard the name of the product which is the focus of these “success stories” I’ve been developing for said client.

A lot of my work is – how to put this – boring. It’s intended for very finite and often small audiences and frequently about things that aren’t particularly interesting to me. Things like medical equipment purchase financing, state sales tax software, mold-inhibiting chemical compounds – I’ve made my point, yes? Of course I enjoy learning about new things and trying to find the best way to communicate them for a specific purpose to a specific audience. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing.

So it is a particular pleasure when I am fortunate enough to work on projects that mesh with a few of my personal passions (education, kids, literacy). And it was a bonus joy to hear the same work I’ve been documenting, referenced in a story on NPR's All Things Considered. I felt sort of famous by association.

Planet Earth

“Astronomers have found the most Earth-like planet outside our Solar System to date.”

This news is really messing with my mental footing. Of course it’s vain and pedestrian to think we are the only living planet in the universe. But still, reading this, I am, for the first time, picturing another entire planet maybe populated by things like us. I put forth this thought in dinner conversation tonight:

Me: “Can you imagine? In our lifetime we may see a new planet with a whole bunch of creatures just like us, with all sorts of different societies, speaking all sorts of different languages!”

Will: (clearly not taking me seriously or nearly as excited about this news as I am) “Maybe they all will speak English.”

Me: “No, that wouldn’t make sense.”

Will: “Maybe they all will speak English with a southern accent.”

Me: “That’s a little scary. It would probably prove the existence of God though, wouldn’t it? Specifically the God of the Bible Belt-ers – Southern Baptists and such.”

And thus the conversation ended.

Song lyrics I now can’t get out of my head
as a result of this news:
“Planet Earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do.”
(David Bowie)

“Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah, this is planet earth.”
(Duran Duran)

Views from the BDO: Annex Office

Today was the first day I was able to work in the UtterClarity Annex Office (our front porch). Here's just a little sample of the view.

Overheard in the BDO

Summertime evening shrieks

(Even though it's not yet summer.)

Today was the first day of wonderful weather we have had in a long time. Temps were in the high 70s and there was a breeze blowing most of the day. Cool in the shade; warm in the sun – weather perfection. Everyone was out and about, smiling back at that big yellow ball in the sky and letting the wind blow off all the inside staleness.

It’s after 8 p.m. now - nearly 9 - and I am listening to the sounds of summer beginning: the shrieks of little kids playing outside after dark. Maybe tag. Maybe hide and seek. Maybe nothing organized – just blissfully un-orchestrated kid fun. Every time I hear a blast of screams and giggles, I glance over at the clock, thinking that’s got to be the last one. But then there it is again.

It’s the sound of days to come. Only a few more weeks of school. Then we can play out late every night. Just don’t leave the edge of the neighbor’s lawn. And listen for mom to call you in for the night. Then pretend you didn’t hear to get a few more minutes of play. Then inside, warm bath, cozy bed, sweet dreams.

New toy in the BDO

This news is actually a little old, but a few weeks ago I finally gave up the sixty bucks and got myself a nifty little digital recorder. No more messing around with micro cassettes, worrying about the tape running out or having to flip it in the middle of an interview. On the highest quality recording level I have SEVEN glorious hours of recording time. (Even I can’t gab with someone that long.) And I hadn’t even thought about how nifty it would be to have audio files of my interviews on my computer. It’s so darn handy. I have no idea how I lived without it before.

Clever Retorts

Inspired by this childhood rejoinder — ‘A jerk is a tug. A tug is a boat. A boat sits on water. Water is nature and nature is beautiful, so thanks for the compliment’ — my 11-year-old niece, my sister and I came up with the following witty replies to common jabs.

Geek sounds like eek. Eek is an exclamation. Glad you're so excited to see me.

Stupid starts with stoop. A stoop is a porch. A porch is attached to a house and if want you an invitation over, you’re going to have to be nicer.

Meanie rhymes with weenie. Weenie is a hot dog. A hot dog is America’s favorite, so thanks for reminding me how popular I am.

Fatty rhymes with catty. A cat starts out as a kitten. Kittens are adorable, so thanks for calling me adorable.

Loser starts with l. L comes before m. M times 2 is M&M. Thanks for calling me sweet.

Learn 'em. Love 'em. Use 'em.

The disk is full

I’ve been flipping through community school catalogs looking for something that sounds like: “Meditation for Better File Storage Management in the Brain.” A sort of MIT-meets-new-age-guru thing. I’m sure it exists. I need it.

Following are just a few of my disks that are simply maxed out: Names of any new people (this one was full a while ago); European churches; Passwords, PIN numbers, access codes, etc.; waterfalls; where I left my keys THIS time (I'd really like to erase all the old files here).

I can fit no more data of this type into storage.

Staring motionless

As in, “I have been staring motionless at this blank page for a full 10 minutes now.”

Or perhaps this: “I stared motionless at the existing copy for a full 10 minutes before I had even the vaguest notion where to start untangling its logic knot.”

Or maybe this: “I stared motionless into space pondering how the $#@! to construct a message that could satisfactorily explain to customers why rates had gone down eight months ago, but were now going back up by an as-yet-unknown amount that would then fluctuate month-to-month.”

Or even this: “Should I bill my client for this? I’m quite sure they don’t pay me to stare motionless.”

What's so bad about...

OK. I was trying to keep this blog somewhat professional, but I can’t help it. What’s so bad about Sanjaya? He’s certainly not the most talented, but so what? Let’s face it: the competition is between LaKisha, Jordan and Melinda (who, in my opinion should be kicked out because this is an AMATEUR competition and she makes her living singing). So who cares if Sanjaya gets through a few more rounds? And why are they SOO mean to him on the show? I don't get it.

In the ebb (vs. the flow)

Top five worst things about work being a wee bit slow:

5. When things get busy again, I always lament that I didn’t ‘do more’ with the extra time.

4. I stink at business development.

3. Less brain stimulation = less creative inspiration … everything suffers.

2. Finding the right amount of work to fill in ‘a wee bit’ of my week is a real trick; people either want me full time for the next 6 weeks, or for 20 hours/week forever. (I have 8-10 hours a week to fill. Please tell your friends and family. That right there is about the full extent of my bus dev skill.)

And the number-one worst thing about work being slow is….

1. It encourages procrastination like you wouldn’t believe.

Pests!

The BDO is being overrun by these freakin’ shield/stink bugs!!















They are just SO creepy looking.

I have been forced to leave my little hand-vac out all the time so when they make their appearances I can just suck them into oblivion. Been sucking up about two or three every day I am in here. Can’t smash them because of the “stink.” Of course I have never experienced this stink and wonder how bad it would really be... Not curious enough to risk it.

They are coming into the BDO from the attic somehow. And I guess I should be happy about that, because if there are live bugs in the attic, that probably means there are no more bats in the attic (no bat sightings in the actual house since July 2005; in the attic since October 2005).

But maybe bats don’t eat them because of the stink?

Everybody has a story

I have set my browser to open every day to “Things at King’s.” The author, Fr. Tom, ran the radio station at King’s College where I went to school and as I read his blog every day I can hear his warm voice and it makes me happy. Usually starts my day off right.

Sometimes, he ends his blogs with a little blurb about someone in the area who recently died. I wish Fr. Tom had been writing his blog in July 2005. That’s when my grandmother died and maybe he would have written about her.

Inspired by him, I’m ripping him off and writing it myself (two years late).

Sylvia (Micoychick) Dicton, 100, passed away in July of 2005. She came to Wilkes-Barre from Poland and met the love of her life, John, while working as a waitress in Percy Brown’s. They married in secret and remained secretly married, living apart, for several weeks, until - during confession, as penance - Sylvia was directed by her parish priest to tell her parents. She broke her leg once stomping on a snake in her yard. Her grandchildren will remember her most for her cooking, and a particularly odd specialty, potato chip crumb cookies (a depression-era treat).

Fr. Tom's are much shorter and tighter, but what the heck. She was my Gram.

Views from the BDO: M’s

Anyone who has worked with me even a little knows that I am seriously affected by the weather. A little sun, an open window and a breeze set me into fits of energy and glee. Conversely, grey days make me crabby, sleepy and potentially dangerous.

In an effort to combat this, I decided this past Christmas to leave in place a string of colored lights along my windowsill in the BDO. My thesis is that the lights will help lift my mood when Mother Nature conspires to turn me into my evil twin.

This morning ...














...seemed a perfect time to test this theory.













I do smile when I turn to look at the little dancing M’s.

Stupid Human Tricks

Nothing cuts down on pesky client calls like leaving your fax plugged into your phone line (and then leaving the office for hours.)

Formal apologies to any clients who tried to reach me yesterday.

Note to self: set up fax for remote operation and answering machine function to avoid similar future mishaps.

Disturbing Commercial Copy

This could easily become a recurring feature here.

Today’s offender: “Midnight snack, brought to you by (some diaper brand).”

This line comes up as a woman is changing a diaper. Wouldn’t common sense dictate that the concepts ‘snack’ and ‘diaper’ just should never appear near each other? I wonder if someone, somewhere along the creative process pointed out how gross this is and was ignored. Or maybe I am just missing something because I am not a mom. Within less than half a second of the offending line, the image changes from the stinky disgusting act of diapering to the woman blowing raspberries on the baby’s belly; maybe the snack is the raspberries? But that really doesn’t make much sense either. Are they selling cannibalism? What’s the snack??? Shades of Soylent Green, no?

As my hip teen friends would say, “Seriously, WTF?!”