I had a brush with traditional employment this week. Interesting choice of phrase – it’s typically “a brush with greatness.” Perhaps a more appropriate phrase might be “dodged a traditional gig this week,” as in, “dodged a bullet.”
After reading a job description forwarded from a friend, I started imagining a utopian world in which the work was rewarding, the people were all brilliant, creative and reasonable, and the compensation was just. I was nearly giddy with excitement and anticipation. And then the HR screener called.
To find out the truth about the work and the people, I’d actually need to experience the job for a while (and thus sacrifice all my fabulous freelance clients). But compensation always comes up early in these conversations. Luckily, it was just low enough to shake me out of my delirious stupor.
Down with buildings that have windows that don’t open! Long live the BDO!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
(Nothing But) Flowers
(I love that Talking Heads song and think of it every time I garden.)
The offices of UtterClarity were closed today for the holiday, and I used the time to do some gardening with Will. A few before and after shots are below.
Still a LOT more work to do, but the beds were really a mess and it feels good to have done a major weeding in two of them and to have mulch down in one with a heavy coat of Weed-n-Feed underneath. ("Yum,"say the flowers. "Gulp, gasp, gurgle," say the germinating weeds.)
Will put some edging in along the front and I'm diggin' it the MOST. The material he used is called "Fiber Edge," which is very amusing to me, because that's the "brand" name of a service I help promote for one of my clients (it's a fiber optic tv, phone and Internet thingy).
I'm already sore and expect to be nearly immobile tomorrow. Good thing all I need to do is sit, think and type.
The offices of UtterClarity were closed today for the holiday, and I used the time to do some gardening with Will. A few before and after shots are below.
Still a LOT more work to do, but the beds were really a mess and it feels good to have done a major weeding in two of them and to have mulch down in one with a heavy coat of Weed-n-Feed underneath. ("Yum,"say the flowers. "Gulp, gasp, gurgle," say the germinating weeds.)
Will put some edging in along the front and I'm diggin' it the MOST. The material he used is called "Fiber Edge," which is very amusing to me, because that's the "brand" name of a service I help promote for one of my clients (it's a fiber optic tv, phone and Internet thingy).
I'm already sore and expect to be nearly immobile tomorrow. Good thing all I need to do is sit, think and type.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Mummenschanz 2007!
The highlight of the 2007 Habitat for Humanity fundraiser yard sale (which is an annual event that takes place on the front lawn of the BDO building [our house]) was when our 4-year-old nephew slid one of the boxes on his head and started walking around the yard. We couldn’t resist adding a face.
His brother was a little creeped-out:
His brother was a little creeped-out:
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Views from the BDO: Annex #2
The new cushion’s here! The new cushion’s here!
I special ordered a new cushion for my vintage lounge (and by “vintage” I mean rusty, old and free since I dug it out of someone’s trash heap), in an attempt to match the rest of the crap (and by “crap” I mean fine outdoor living pieces) on my deck. I'm pleased. I think it looks swell. And now I can work in a Pasha-like reclining posture in the BDO Annex #2.
...a few minutes later...
Hazard of working in BDO Annex #2
Nature flotsam in the coffee:
I special ordered a new cushion for my vintage lounge (and by “vintage” I mean rusty, old and free since I dug it out of someone’s trash heap), in an attempt to match the rest of the crap (and by “crap” I mean fine outdoor living pieces) on my deck. I'm pleased. I think it looks swell. And now I can work in a Pasha-like reclining posture in the BDO Annex #2.
...a few minutes later...
Hazard of working in BDO Annex #2
Nature flotsam in the coffee:
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Liar, liar.
Hypocritical, isn't it? When we accuse someone of telling a lie using this familiar line, we actually tell a lie: “Liar, Liar. Pants on fire.” Are any one's pants really on fire? Someone's nose is growing.
Hey wait! That's a lie too!
Life is just full of inconsistencies that fluster me on a daily basis.
Hey wait! That's a lie too!
Life is just full of inconsistencies that fluster me on a daily basis.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
New all-time low?
An artist friend of mine once told me that there are no new ideas – just new arrangements of old ideas. I find this to be true. Much of the most “clever” writing I have done has been, in part, stolen from someone else. Stolen from or inspired by? Thin line.
Some greats I have ripped-off include: Mark Twain, Aristotle, and most recently God. Yes, God. I actually penned some copy that opens with “In the beginning there was [client name]…” (In my defense this goes REALLY well with the concepts developed by the creative firm, which are all about creation. )
Shall I list the reasons I am most likely to burn in hell? There are plenty already. Now there are plenty + 1.
Some greats I have ripped-off include: Mark Twain, Aristotle, and most recently God. Yes, God. I actually penned some copy that opens with “In the beginning there was [client name]…” (In my defense this goes REALLY well with the concepts developed by the creative firm, which are all about creation. )
Shall I list the reasons I am most likely to burn in hell? There are plenty already. Now there are plenty + 1.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Overheard in the BDO: "Hey babe..."
A peek into the demographic of my community.
Scene 1: A father and son walking along the sidewalk just across the street from the BDO annex (front porch). Dad is sporting a baseball cap that barely contains his long, abundant, bushy hair. He is pushing a scooter. It's about noon so they are probably on their way to afternoon kindergarten at the nearby school.
As they pass, dad turns his head, cups his hand to his mouth to focus the forthcoming gruff shout in the direction of someone behind him on the sidewalk:
“HEY BABE! CAN YOU ALSO GET ME A PACK OF CIGARETTES?”
A pause and then, “THANK YOU.”
Scene 2: Dad and Babe walk by again a short time later. He is riding the scooter, and has a cigarette dangling from his lips. Babe is regaling Dad in a rather loud tone with a story about an exchange she must have had with the store clerk. It included a lot of expletives.
Charming.
(But at least they are taking their kid to school. And at least he was polite when asking Babe to get him the cigarettes.)
Scene 1: A father and son walking along the sidewalk just across the street from the BDO annex (front porch). Dad is sporting a baseball cap that barely contains his long, abundant, bushy hair. He is pushing a scooter. It's about noon so they are probably on their way to afternoon kindergarten at the nearby school.
As they pass, dad turns his head, cups his hand to his mouth to focus the forthcoming gruff shout in the direction of someone behind him on the sidewalk:
“HEY BABE! CAN YOU ALSO GET ME A PACK OF CIGARETTES?”
A pause and then, “THANK YOU.”
Scene 2: Dad and Babe walk by again a short time later. He is riding the scooter, and has a cigarette dangling from his lips. Babe is regaling Dad in a rather loud tone with a story about an exchange she must have had with the store clerk. It included a lot of expletives.
Charming.
(But at least they are taking their kid to school. And at least he was polite when asking Babe to get him the cigarettes.)
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Bye, Bye Miss American Pie
I am a self-confessed nostalgia glutton. It is my only vice/addiction outside excessive coffee consumption. At times I have been known to indulge in near toxic doses of nostalgia. I stare at photo albums, read old letters or journal entries and work myself into a frenzy of emotion, longing for a person or time that is no more.
When I walk the halls or stroll the campus of a school I attended, and things aren’t where I left them, I feel robbed of my memories. I currently live very near where I grew up and as streets are rerouted, buildings torn down and new ones built I have the same reaction.
Yet when I reconnect with old friends I actually despise reminiscing and try to keep the conversation focused on the here and now - who we are today. If all we have to talk about is the past, then we’ve grown into pretty boring adults, haven’t we?
I’m probably thinking about all this for two reasons:
1) In addition to my duties as chief wordsmith and idea hatcher here at UtterClarity, I am also currently a member of the planning committee for my 20th HS reunion (this is SOO out of character it’s not funny ... it would be difficult to find someone who hated high school more than I did).
2) A friend recently posted a blog entry titled, “You Haven't Changed A Bit.”
Friday, May 11, 2007
Million-Dollar Ideas from the BDO
Coffee Emergency Squad
I actually have to give credit to my sister here; this isn’t entirely a BDO-born idea. Yesterday my sis chose to go out of her way and make an extra stop at the ATM (because the $2 in her wallet would not be enough) to get an iced coffee. The choice made her a little late for an important meeting, but it was – as those of us in the club know – a Coffee Emergency.
We decided that Dunkin or Starbucks or SOMEONE should have a Coffee Emergency Squad. Little vans that patrol the streets looking for people about to become victims of a Coffee Emergency (the Squad would need flashing lights, sirens and traffic privileges so they could speed caffeinated comfort to those on the brink).
Of course we’d need a coffee 911 number too, so we could call in emergencies to a local dispatcher who could send the vans our way, when in need. Right?
I actually have to give credit to my sister here; this isn’t entirely a BDO-born idea. Yesterday my sis chose to go out of her way and make an extra stop at the ATM (because the $2 in her wallet would not be enough) to get an iced coffee. The choice made her a little late for an important meeting, but it was – as those of us in the club know – a Coffee Emergency.
We decided that Dunkin or Starbucks or SOMEONE should have a Coffee Emergency Squad. Little vans that patrol the streets looking for people about to become victims of a Coffee Emergency (the Squad would need flashing lights, sirens and traffic privileges so they could speed caffeinated comfort to those on the brink).
Of course we’d need a coffee 911 number too, so we could call in emergencies to a local dispatcher who could send the vans our way, when in need. Right?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Why I will never be rich (or powerful)
Sometimes, I’m just not the best person for the job. And unfortunately, I'm not afraid to say so.
As a vendor, I have no trouble pointing out to my clients when they are about to pay me for something that could be done much more efficiently in-house. Sometimes they explain that, for whatever reason, it really makes more sense for me to do it, and I comply. Other times, they hear the logic in what I am saying and I lose work (of the revenue-generating kind).
In my corporate days, the equivalent experience looked like this: If it made more sense for someone else to take on a project – if s/he could do it more efficiently than I – I’d let that person take it (often along with the credit and high profile that went with the work).
I don't feel smart when I turn away work; but I don't feel good when I get paid to do something that the person paying me could have done just as easily for him- or herself.
As a vendor, I have no trouble pointing out to my clients when they are about to pay me for something that could be done much more efficiently in-house. Sometimes they explain that, for whatever reason, it really makes more sense for me to do it, and I comply. Other times, they hear the logic in what I am saying and I lose work (of the revenue-generating kind).
In my corporate days, the equivalent experience looked like this: If it made more sense for someone else to take on a project – if s/he could do it more efficiently than I – I’d let that person take it (often along with the credit and high profile that went with the work).
I don't feel smart when I turn away work; but I don't feel good when I get paid to do something that the person paying me could have done just as easily for him- or herself.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Overheard in the BDO
Recess
There is an elementary school two blocks from the BDO. I’m working in the front-porch annex office and I can hear a group of children shout-counting, “FIVE. SIX. SEVEN…” Hide-n-seek has got to be pretty tough on a fenced-in, concrete playground. Wonder what game they are playing.
There is an elementary school two blocks from the BDO. I’m working in the front-porch annex office and I can hear a group of children shout-counting, “FIVE. SIX. SEVEN…” Hide-n-seek has got to be pretty tough on a fenced-in, concrete playground. Wonder what game they are playing.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Language Matters: Ghetto
One of the style books I refer to regularly has a great line in its introduction. The gist of it is: Language evolves. Deal with it and don’t be a stick in the mud.
I embrace this philosophy. I’ll bend to most linguistic trends. I’ve finally accepted the fact that online is one word (even though it should be two, and hyphenated when used as a modifier). But I am really uncomfortable with this new use of the word ‘ghetto’ as an adjective. It’s used to describe things as worthless, meaningless, below consideration, etc.
The first time I ever heard it used this way – so long ago now that I can’t even remember the phrase or context – I had a visceral negative reaction that I couldn’t explain. I heard it again recently and had the same reaction. Using the word ghetto this way is just disrespectful to those who, throughout history have been forced to live in ghettos against their wills.
I’m not against the use of the word ghetto all together; As a noun used to describe a run-down or poverty-stricken area, it’s an ideal choice. But as an adjective – especially dripping from the tongues of those who have never lived in a ghetto – it just doesn’t work. This linguistic trend, I will not embrace.
A little more about "ghetto."
I embrace this philosophy. I’ll bend to most linguistic trends. I’ve finally accepted the fact that online is one word (even though it should be two, and hyphenated when used as a modifier). But I am really uncomfortable with this new use of the word ‘ghetto’ as an adjective. It’s used to describe things as worthless, meaningless, below consideration, etc.
The first time I ever heard it used this way – so long ago now that I can’t even remember the phrase or context – I had a visceral negative reaction that I couldn’t explain. I heard it again recently and had the same reaction. Using the word ghetto this way is just disrespectful to those who, throughout history have been forced to live in ghettos against their wills.
I’m not against the use of the word ghetto all together; As a noun used to describe a run-down or poverty-stricken area, it’s an ideal choice. But as an adjective – especially dripping from the tongues of those who have never lived in a ghetto – it just doesn’t work. This linguistic trend, I will not embrace.
A little more about "ghetto."
Thursday, May 3, 2007
“I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."
The Lorax. It’s the very definition of timeless. In every generation it seems there is some precious natural tree-treasure being threatened. The mighty redwoods, tropical rainforests, the south Jersey pines…
I had to do some writing about trees for a client this week. The client was very pleased. Nearly raved about my work in fact.
Sadly, though, I think I was the Onceler.
I had to do some writing about trees for a client this week. The client was very pleased. Nearly raved about my work in fact.
Sadly, though, I think I was the Onceler.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Write what you know
This is probably the most common tid-bit of writing advice, and there’s a reason: It’s true. It’s always easier to write about something you know and invariably the quality of writing is superior because the writer feels at ease with the language surrounding the subject.
Having spent most of my adult life getting paid to write I have learned that when I am struggling with something, it is usually because I don’t have enough information. I check my notes, I check the background material, I do a little research, and if all this fails I go back to the client and ask for more information. This sometimes puts me in the awkward position of inadvertently pointing out holes in a client’s marketing plan, value proposition, strategy, or overall logic. (I raise questions for which they have no answers.)
Good, smart clients will fill in the gaps quickly or move to address the issue. Mediocre clients will come up with something that’s not quite the best answer, but it’s close enough (and most people won’t notice the difference).
And then there are those evil, mean, wicked, nasty, and bad clients. They turn on ME in such cases, furious that I can’t just “make it work with what you’ve got.”
I’m sorry folks. The arch won’t stand without the keystone.
Having spent most of my adult life getting paid to write I have learned that when I am struggling with something, it is usually because I don’t have enough information. I check my notes, I check the background material, I do a little research, and if all this fails I go back to the client and ask for more information. This sometimes puts me in the awkward position of inadvertently pointing out holes in a client’s marketing plan, value proposition, strategy, or overall logic. (I raise questions for which they have no answers.)
Good, smart clients will fill in the gaps quickly or move to address the issue. Mediocre clients will come up with something that’s not quite the best answer, but it’s close enough (and most people won’t notice the difference).
And then there are those evil, mean, wicked, nasty, and bad clients. They turn on ME in such cases, furious that I can’t just “make it work with what you’ve got.”
I’m sorry folks. The arch won’t stand without the keystone.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
The Lusty Month
"Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev'ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It's here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
It's May! It's May!
That gorgeous holiday
When ev'ry maiden prays that her lad
Will be a cad!
It's mad! It's gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev'ryone takes,
Ev'ryone breaks.
Ev'ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!
Whence this fragrance wafting through the air?
What sweet feelings does its scent transmute?
Whence this perfume floating ev'rywhere?
Don't you know it's that dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la! That dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la!
Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!
It's May! It's May!
The month of "yes you may,"
The time for ev'ry frivolous whim,
Proper or "im."
It's wild! It's gay!
A blot in ev'ry way.
The birds and bees with all of their vast
Amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast,
The lusty month of May.
Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev'ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It's here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear.
It's May! It's May!
The month of great dismay.
When all the world is brimming with fun,
Wholesome or "un."
It's mad! It's gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev'ryone takes,
Ev'ryone breaks.
Ev'ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!"
- Guenevere & Cast, Camelot
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev'ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It's here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
It's May! It's May!
That gorgeous holiday
When ev'ry maiden prays that her lad
Will be a cad!
It's mad! It's gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev'ryone takes,
Ev'ryone breaks.
Ev'ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!
Whence this fragrance wafting through the air?
What sweet feelings does its scent transmute?
Whence this perfume floating ev'rywhere?
Don't you know it's that dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la! That dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la!
Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!
It's May! It's May!
The month of "yes you may,"
The time for ev'ry frivolous whim,
Proper or "im."
It's wild! It's gay!
A blot in ev'ry way.
The birds and bees with all of their vast
Amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast,
The lusty month of May.
Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev'ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It's here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear.
It's May! It's May!
The month of great dismay.
When all the world is brimming with fun,
Wholesome or "un."
It's mad! It's gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev'ryone takes,
Ev'ryone breaks.
Ev'ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!"
- Guenevere & Cast, Camelot
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